memories of Judy!

I placed a basket with purple ribbon around it on a table at the entry, these are the things people wrote:

Judy was an angel sent from heaven.  In my time of need, Judy came into my life to
help care for my five minor daughters.  It was a miracle how Judy bonded with them,
she actually became a grandmother to them.  To this day Judy still holds a special place in our hearts.                                   Paul Sanchez

                                                  ~~ My Judy~~

Lots of wonderful memories of Judy.  I met her when she started working for my brother Lonnie at Hannah's Triangle in Ivanhoe.  First great memory was when she made me a  barbie cake for my 18th birthday. She became a true best friend over the years- We got wild together. She was going through a midlife thingie and I was 21 so we did lots of dancing at  Faces, Marco Polo, El Presidente, (Flinstones). And then our next phase of life was just a true caring, loving relationship. Judy was in my wedding. I cherish my friendship with her above all others. She never forgot my birthday or my kids birthdays, never forgot mine or Donnie's wedding anniversary! She was amazing. I will miss her more than I can express.             <3 Kelley Joslin

  

"Every memory is an amazing one that will never be forgotten."
                                                    No name

"Even though I didn't know Judy, she seemed really nice.  She couldn't see or move around on her own very well, but think about it, she's in a better place she can do all those things now.  I know you're sad now, but think about it
she's in a better place and you will see her again."  
                                               Krystiana James

 "Judy was the brightest light in Ivanhoe.  She made the Triangle a joyful place to work."
                                                         Jimmie Hannah

"Judy will be missed by all at Sierra Medows.  She always had a smile on her beautiful face."                                                  No name

"Grandma Judy,

          You will always be in my heart. 
                    Your friend,"  Paula Ortiz

"I remember how vibrant she was!  So much fun! She was the "life" of the 8:00 AM Coffee hour.  Things picked up when Judy got there!  She never let her "seeing disablility" get in her way,  She was so funny!  She treated each of us like family!  I loved her like a sister!"     Her Friend, Niki in apt. 110

"Judy my cousin that was as close as a sister.  Judy blessed to know you.  Miss your wonderful laugh and never complained.  Love you so can't say enough."

                                                              Pat Grammer

"LaDon and Family,
I met Judy in 1987 and have so many good memories i cant seem to pin point one.  Well maybe when Brendon fed the fish will always stand out. She was a quiet listener and always pointed out Louie's good points when we would fight and I would vent to your mom.  She prayed with me and for me too many times to count.  She will always be near and dear to me and my family.  Her words of encouragement will be remembered for years to come."  Love Karen & Louie Amanda, Amy and Angelina Louisi

"Judy my sister in the Lord, my confidant.  My go to and accountablilty gal.  My fun loving buddy.
                                                           XXOO."
                                                                   No name (I Think this might be Sue Thompson)

"I loved Judy so much she was my cousin.  Told her that many times-  she was so special- and know that she will be missed but Jack and I know where she is- back with her momma- + Jesus + Daddy." 
                                             The McClures

"She was a great bartender and we shared many great happy times."  No Name (someone from Sierra Meadows.)

"She was a loving and caring friend and I loved her. "  Erlene

"My Grandma was a remarkable person!  When I was little I always wanted to go to her house.  Those days are gone now."  Samantha Gill

"When Antonio first met Aunt Ju-Ju he loved her.  I think it was her gentle, loving way of interacting with children, not pusy at all.  He grabbed her face and gave her kisses, open mouth sloppy kisses on her chin and smiled at everything she said because he knew how beautiful she is."  Antonio Cruz's story told by his momma Ida

"I'll  never forget how a dove wouldn't fly away on the side of my house.  I knew right where to take it, Grandma Ju-Ju's house.  When I got it there , Judy said she had a dove that had no companion.  It was meant to be, the doves fell in love and soon there were small doves.  She was a blessing with all of her birds!  There was so much peace there!  I love you Judy!"  Robin Barnett Daughter-in-law

" Our Judy was an amazing person.  Even with her handicaps, she was friendly, outgoing and loving.  She had a wicked sense of humor.  She is greatly loved and will be sorely issed."  (Computer Lynn) Lynn

"From the window of my heart I will see Judy walking with her dogs outside carrying her coffee cup.  (Smiley face)  Now she is walking with new eyes with the Lord.  RIP Judy you will be truely missed."  Paula 226 Sierra Meadows

After my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer I was visiting at my Aunt LaDon's.  I played the song, What A Difference A Day Makes, on my phone and shared a dance with my lovely grandmother Judy."  With Love, Jake Barnett

"Aunt Judy yelling at every bum that we pass, "That's my boyfriend!""  Danny Poncey

"I will never forget one time when I was about 12,  I had a paper route which meant I would have to get up in the morning and fold and deliver about 100 papers for people. I would usually do this on my bike.  One time I was so sick and my mom knew I had to deliver these papers.  She got up early folded the papers and took me in her car I knew the route and she threw the papers.  She did alot of things like that she was very kind and compassionate.  I will always cherish these things in my heart!  It is not goodbye mom, it's just see you later!" 
Love LaDon Gill

 "My favorite memory is Aunt Ju-Ju's kindness, love and wisdom.  Always there to listen to me."  Unknown

"My favorite memory of my sister is how she would always have a pot of bean on, the bed ready with clean sheets, fresh coffee and a smile from ear to ear at the front gate when she would greet us."  Norma June Cruz

"Having a fresh cup of coffee and visiting." Unknown

"Every memory is an amazing one that will never be forgotten! "    Unknown

     

 

                                                                              

 

115 days...

Three months and twenty four days...That is all the time we had from the early diagnosis to her journey to heaven.  I feel like we had an incredible gift to know how precious our time was.  I am thankful for my mother's decision to have pictures taken early on.

I spoke with my Aunt Ruthie on the phone yesterday and she shared with me her last visit with my mom and we laughed and cried as we talked about what a void she left in our lives.  I am not sad all the time but have moments of sadness, where I feel all alone and orphaned.  I think to myself there are so many things I needed to ask her, but now it is too late.  I yearn to hear her voice on the phone or feel the gentle touch of her hands on my shoulder. 

I think about that blonde joke, There are three ladies on a desert island a Blonde, Brunette and a Red head.  They walk along a beach and find and rub a genies lamp, out comes a genie and grants them each one wish.  The Brunette says, "I want to go home"  poof she was transported home.  The Red head says, I'd like to go to a yankees game.  "Poof"  there she goes.  The Blonde says, "I wish my friends were back here with me!" ... I don't want to be that blonde to wish my mother were here. 

I have made some serious changes to my way of thinking.  I will never again think; "I can do this tomorrow."  I am going to always try to do it TODAY! because Tomorrow may never come. 
I am eating off the fine china and I am sleeping under the good quilt too! and most importantly I am always going to eat dessert first!  I have decided to try to live the rest of my life with no regrets.  I am not delusional, I know that there might be some, but if there are, I am not going to sweat the small stuff!  Life is way too short!

Lots of stuff to do...

Today I have lots of stuff to do.  I have to pack up and clean my mom's apartment.  I got up with the girls and got them off to school and couldn't find my keys, so I thought I would just crawl into the freshly made bed and rest for a few minutes.  I woke up at 1PM Ugh!  I feel like I am rested, but the entire day has been wasted.  I took the time to clean my house and find places to put all the beautiful flowers from the service. 


My mom's dog, Princess has been a close companion.  she is mourning the loss of her master but trying really hard to be my dog too.  I feel like we are reassuring each other.  I took this picture the day after my mom passed away Princess just climbed onto my chair and burrowed her head under the covers until just her face peeked out from the fluffy green blanket. 

I laugh, as I look at these pictures, because this is exactly how I felt today, all safe and comfy in my bed.

Obituary

Judy Barnett

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Judy Riggs Goldsmith Barnett Judy Olene Riggs Goldsmith Barnett nickname: Ju-Ju was born on 3-14-1944 in Kennett, MO., to Chester A. Riggs and Edna Jo Speakes. Raised by daddy Norman R. Goldsmith and Edna "Jo" Speakes Goldsmith. She passed away May 10, 2012 with her grandson at her bedside. Surviving family daughter: Joyce "LaDon" Barnett Gill (David), daughter in love: Robin Garcia Barnett, sisters: Ruthann Askin (Tim) Fernley, NV., Norma June Cruz (Gary) Union City, CA, brothers: Ric Riggs (Laurie) KS., Larry Riggs ( Cindy) IN., nine grandchildren and six great grandchildren. She was preceded in death: Rickey Norman Goldsmith (Brother), Amanda Ruthann Gill (Granddaughter), Kevin Michael Spencer Gill (Grandson), Michael Wade Barnett (Son) She attended Washington High school Fremont CA and COS. She was a CNA, Apartment manager, Cafeteria worker VSUD, Hannah's Triangle and Nanny. Her hobbies include cake decorating and baking she was an avid ceramic artist, and raised birds. Active in the Sierra meadows social club A few years ago Judy lost most of her vision but never let that get in the way of her enjoying life. Judy loved the Lord and was such a sweet prayer warrior. She will be sorely missed by all. A celebration of life will be Saturday, May 12, 2012 at 3:00 PM at Gateway Church Auditorium. Private burial. Condolences may be e-mailed to info@salseranddillard.com

Published in Visalia Times-Delta and Tulare Adv-Register on May 12, 2012

 

I thought I would share my grandmother poem she wrote about my mom

so many years ago. 

 

Judy

March 13, 1944, is a special day

Because God sent a beautiful daughter my way

I was so young, at the age of sixteen

But my motherhood love, was felt very keen

As I took her into my arms of love

Cheeks rosy and skin like a dove

I shall never forget, how my heart flowed with Joy

Because I wanted a girl and not a boy

And this baby girl; Judy, was the spark of my life

From the day she was born, till this very night

Not only today, but always she’ll be

A special daughter, yet my baby you see

For no matter how old or winkled or grey

God sent a beautiful daughter my way

Now that her faith is renewed in the Lord

And the word of God is her sword

I know that if in this world we should part

A beautiful assurance, I have in my heart

That someday in the sweet by-in-by, we shall meet

And praise the Lord and worship at his feet

And what a glorious Day this will be

Our blessed savior, we shall see

So now you see why this is a special day

Because she is a special daughter, in every way.

Written By Jo Goldsmith March 11, 1976

The bed is now empty...

My sister-in-law Robin, and my aunt Ruthie were sitting up with my mom when I woke up and I came and sat with them.  We watched as my mother struggled to breathe.  I had set her medication up to be administered every two hours but as we gave her the next dose she seemed to be in discomfort and anxious for at least 30 minutes.  I contacted the nurse on call and asked that we increase her medication to every hour.  It seemed to make a big difference.  Robin had already started setting her alarm on her phone to go off every two hours so we set her phone to alarm every hour. 

As we watched her in the darkness, I said: "It looks like she is crying."    She said just a few profound sentences while struggling to breathe.  She said, "I am dying"  and "I have been crying"    At some point of our sleep deprived evening, I decided to try and figure out what the dosage of her medication was in miligrams for the 24 hour period.  I thought my aunt, who is smart enough to be a CPA could do this.   We laughed so hard because the numbers didn't seem to add up, and then Ruthie said Norma would be able to figure it out.  We laughed about waking her up to figure out what my mothers daily dosage would be.  I think it was more funny because we were so tired. 

I contacted the hospice office because my mom would run out of medication and she needed it refilled.  The hospice nurse was very rude to me on the phone because I was explaining to her the dosage and said a syringe and a half instead of a dose and a half.  I had to pass the phone to Norma who corrected me and told them we were giving her .75 ml of the medication.  I asked if she was coming to see my mom and she told me she would if she had time.  I was irked by this. 

I layed down for a nap and just dozed off to sleep when Kathy Keiser arrived.  Aunt Nornie came and woke me up.  I stood there while she was assesing my mom and finally she said to me, "Do you have anything you want to say?"  and I very calmly let her know what I felt. 

1. We had a situation in April where I needed the hospice nurse to come and visit and was told the oncall nurse was coming three times on the phone.  We never received a visit or a call that she wasn't coming.  When Kathy came the following day she said there was a note in the computer that I called and cancelled the request. 
2. The LVN announcing that my mom was going to expire.  I did say that I felt Melissa had the makings for a wonderful nurse but she should never announce this to the family.  Melissa also said she would send out a greif counselor and someone else and NOBODY showed up. 
3. the social worker came out and told my mom she would return on a specific date and bring her lunch and they would have a chat.  She not only didn't show up but when I called to see if she was coming she told me she would call me back and NEVER DID!  The social worker has blue hair and nails that are so encrusted with glitter and crap, she could flag down aircraft from the sky.  I think she should be held to a more professional appearance standard.
4. The chaplin was requsted to bring a daily bread to my mom and when I told Kathy about it, he finally came and brought the book.  Kathy had left a message and said she'd given him the book to give to us that day.  He came to our home and announced that he'd been carrying this around in his car for a while.  I cannot stand being lied to!!
5. I told her I was disappointed with hospice because I thought our mutal goal was to keep my mother comfortable and out of pain.  I told her that It has been a horrible experience. 
6. I told her I didn't appreciate the way she talks to me on the phone.

you know they hadn't even ordered her medication until the nurse came that day.  We also discovered that after she left my mom would only have enough medication until 4:30 in the AM.   We had to contact the on call Hospice nurse Sandy and she went to the pharmacy after it closed and brought us some more medication.   We called her out again before midnight because we were having a hard time with my mother's breathing she had lots of phlem in her throat and needed to be suctioned.  The Hospice nurse ordered her a suction machine.  The hospice nurse also called out the chaplin from Fresno to come and sit with us for a while. 

My husband who was sound asleep heard the chaplin drive into the other driveway and grabbed his shotgun and heading out the door towards his car.  My sister in law came running into my mom's room and said, "I don't know what's going on but David has a shotgun and is heading out the door!!" 
I ran after him and caught up with him as he greeted the chaplin with the gun in his hand.  The Chaplin was pretty shaken up too!  This is still pretty funny when I think about it. 

The chaplin stayed with us until almost 2 AM and read the bible and prayed.  He shared with us his wife had just passed away eight months ago.  We said goodbye to the chaplin and Robin, Jake and I all sat around mom's bed.  At 3:15 AM Robin asked her son Jake if he planned to stay up with us and he said he did.  We decided it was time for another cup of coffee so we left the room for coffee and Jake stayed behind to read the bible and pray with her.  He had just finished his prayer when we came back into the room and she had gone to be with the Lord.  

the empty bed...

We contacted the hospice nurse and she came back to the house to prounounce time of death at 2:30 AM May 10th 2012.   We called all the family and I woke up my aunt Norma who was asleep to tell her.  We all sat around until the funeral home came to pick up my mom's body.  I went in with the nurse and we cleaned and changed my mother.  I felt so sad but I couldn't cry.  I felt she was rejoicing in heaven with Jesus and all of her friends.   I had cried alot before this day.  I am happy for my mother because her suffering is finally over. 

Your mother is about to expire...

OK, that sounds dramatic right?  Well this is what happened.   My mom's friend Karen Luisi, my Aunt Nornie, her daughter-in-law Ida, my niece Monica were all at my house when the  hospice nurse came. 
My mom was resting on the big comfy chair in the living room and the hospice nurse says, "Your mother is about to expire let's get her to the bed, where we can make her comfortable." 

So the next thing you know, everyone including me, is crying and we are in a hurry because we have just been told by the hospice nurse that her death is imminent.  We get her positioned in bed and the hospice nurse leaves and my aunt who is a nurse says, "Well, isn't it nice she gets everyone all riled up and doesn't take another blood pressure, while she is laying down, and leaves!"

My Aunt Ruthie is driving from Nevada with her husband and they are in Kingsburg when I tell her to hurry, after all my mother is expiring right?  She said they got to the corner near my home and she wanted her husband to let her out of the car, so she could run through the field to my house.  I am glad that her husband Tim, calmed her down and convinced her to stay in the car until they pulled up in the driveway. 

My mom continued to slip deeper into sleep.  We could wake her, but she was not responding verbally or if she did it was small words and short sentences.  My sister-in-law Robin, Aunt Ruthie decided they would sit up with my mom into the evening.  I tried to get some rest but slept deep and hard, for only a short time. 

My mom's friend Diane...

Monday my mom's dear friend; Diane Birk, came all the way from Los Angeles to say a final goodbye to her.  She had already come to see her a few days ago and she was leaving for Seattle when she received my phone call.  She had to rent a car and drive back down.  She was so kind to offer to stay up with her so the family could sleep.  My Aunt Norma and her husband Gary and their daughter-in-law Ida and grandson Antonio arrived later that night.  My Aunt was distraught because she thought my mother had suffered a stroke.  She was just in a deeper sleep and could only say just a few words by this time. 

Diane and Judy at her suprise birthday party 3-13-2004

We got everyone settled in for the night and even though I should have slept, I just couldn't.  I sat up and talked with Diane, while we were chatting a huge bug crawled across my chest and I pulled my shirt and launched the bug into the air while saying loudly, a very bad word!  I immediately stomped on the bug and then laughed and apologized for my language.  It is quite funny to think about it even now.  Diane was so sweet she just shared a memory of when her daughter came home from preschool and shared a bad word with her.

Diane sent this to me in an email and this is shared with her permission.

"Hello family and friends,

I was able to visit with my dear friend, Judy Barnett, at the end of February when she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I made another trip to California and was able to visit her on May 1st and 2nd. She was weak but was doing well. I was blessed to help her as she dictated a letter to me saying farewell to her family and friends.

On Monday got a call that Judy only had a short while to live. I quickly returned to Visalia and was privileged to stay up all night watching over her. On Tuesday I spent much of the day with her and her family. Before leaving that evening I was able to hold her carefully and pray over her. I reminded her to put in a good word for me with God -- we'd joked about it the previous week and told her that her family was okay and she could go home to God. Although Judy is blind - she opened her eyes and looked right at me. I know she heard me and knows how much I loved her. She passed away this morning at 2:30am.

Judy had a profound affect on my life. She was a simple and sweet lady. She babysat Arianna and Alyssa when they were little and loved them and considered them her girls even recently. After I moved to Seattle we talked often by phone and I always visited her when I was in Visalia to see my family. Judy was a sincere and loving Christian woman who loved God. Judy, her sister Ruthie, another friend, Sue, and I had a long-standing weekly Bible study. We prayed, laughed till our stomachs ached, cried and grew into "family"! You could share your darkest secrets with Judy and know it would go no further. She was a real prayer and lifted you up to God through her day -- she seemed to know when you needed prayer before you even told her. She raised birds - even after losing her eyesight -- just with a gentle touch she cared for the tiny birds without seeing them. She was deeply loved by so many -- everyone feeling they were kin, not just friends. What a blessing she was to so very many!

Oh what a special blessing Judy was in my life. I will miss her so much, but I'm happy for her as she is now where she most wanted to be -- the the arms of her saviour!!

Diane "

Walking in death's shadow

We have finally come to this place where my mom is asleep and in another world most of the day and night.  She looks at peace and as long as we have her sitting in a chair, she feels like she can breathe.  She is only giving me short yes or no answers to questions like, "Mom do you need your blanket on your feet?"  I am going to stay by herside all day today. 

As I am typing this I hear the radio; my sweet husband remembered to put the radio on the oldies station, so my mom could enjoy music playing softly in the background.  I am touched by his acts of kindness toward my mom.  He has been so good to get up in the middle of the night, when I needed his assistance.  He gave my mom a hug last night and you could feel the love in the room.  They have never been super huggy - squeezie and they have for the most part had a love / hate relationship all these years.  My mom told me a few months ago she felt like she resented him because he took her daughter away.   She said sometimes that is the way it felt but also said, that she loved him too.  The minute we got married we were sent to live far away because of my husband's job in the Navy. 

Her dog princess has been totally by her side, she knows what's happening.  I texted and called everyone yesterday to let them know that my mother's time here on earth is coming to an end and soon she will be healed for heaven.  Her good friend Kelley Joslin came over she had been on at a conference of Dental hygienists in Anaheim and was traveling home when she got my message.   My good friend Kellie Hawker came and picked up the girls, who have been pretty good for the most part but are stressed out, and whisked them away from the reality that their last grandparent is dying.   My mom's friend Arlene came over and she was so emotional, she had to take a moment to compose herself before she sat down with my mom.  Our son Robby and his wife came over and they sat with grandma for a while.

I called my mom's two sisters and gave them an update on my mom and while I was on the phone with my Aunt Ruthie. I looked up and saw this dark cloud of bees right above my head moving fast.  I said something like, "I have got to go there are bee's coming toward me!"    I ran into the house and the bees swarmed our old water tower. 

I am calling hospice this AM and going to see if the nurse can come out today.  My prayer for my mother is she is comforted and out of pain today.

Tender moments...

our youngest Brendon saying goodbye to his grandmother

Those quiet times when you say goodbye.  I have been privileged to watch people come and say goodbye to my mom for the last two days.  She is now unresponsive for the most part.  Her dog Princess keeps a quiet vigil on her master by laying faithfully at her side.   I am sad because I thought there would be more time to plan her funeral and ensure any of her wishes were fulfilled. 

My mother is one of those rare people who attract very loyal and dear friends.  She is such a sweet person!  I have been so blessed to really get to see what a beautiful person she is.  We spent too much of our life being too much alike and really not liking to look into that mirror at we saw in each other.  Which was in essence eachother and our simularities.

 My dad died, suddenly of a stroke, 18 months ago.  my mom tearfully told me how much she loved me and how sorry she was about my dad's imminent  passing. The doctor had just told her, while I was in the bathroom, that my dad had a massive stroke and his brain was engulfed in blood.  We were still in the Emergency room and I remember her hugging me and saying, "I LOVE YOU" and I said, "How could you love me, you don't even like me!"  I remember her hugging me tighter and saying, "I do love you!"  We just sobbed in each other's arms.

 I prayed and asked God to help us figure out our relationship and give us the time to do this before she died, because I didn't want there to be any hard feelings for me to deal with after she left this world.  I seriously didn't want her to have cancer that metathesized into her brain, but I am so very fortunate that we healed our relationship and forgave past hurts, before she came to the place where she isn't communicating.  I am thankful that I was able to care for her and show her the love she showed me when I was a little girl.   I reassured her that she was a great mom! 



It won't be long before the woman God gave to be my momma, will be making her final journey to heaven.  I think she held on for her friend Diane Birk to come see her.  I think she needed to write her thoughts in a thank you note and Diane was kind enough to do this.   I just read something on the Internet about the five things you must do before you die and she did all of them. 

The five tasks of dying

Ask for forgiveness

offer forgiveness

Offer heartfelt thanks

Offer Sentiments of Love

Say goodbye

My heart hurts because I know, I will soon never have her touch or see her smile, until I make my journey to be with her in Heaven.  I will never be able to call another woman Momma here on this earth; but soon, she will be reunited with her momma in heaven just in time for Mother's day.  

http://dying.about.com/od/thedyingprocess/a/5_tasks_dying.htm * taken from this website

I will cast all my cares upon him...

This song has resonated in my mind several times these last few weeks.  I am caught up in the daily care of my mother and all the responsibilities of being a mom to my children as well.  I am sad today because last night was probably the roughest night we've had so far.  My mom woke up twice and had to have complete bedding and clothing changes.  She was so sweet she leaned over to me and whispered "I think I might have wet myself" and then started to cry.  I just hugged her and told it would be OK we were going to change her and make her fresh and lovely. 

I have been helping her with her showers and it seems that some part of my childhood flashes in my mind of my sweet mother, lovingly bathing and caring for me; it has now come full circle because I am bathing  and changing her.  I know that this must be a very humbling thing and I try really hard to keep her laughing and her mind off the fact that her daughter has to help her.  

Her dog Princess has been a very close companion.  She jumps onto her bed before we are ready for my mom to be positioned and I am constantly picking her dog up and placing her in her bed on the floor until we get my mom comfortable.  She cannot sleep laying flat because she feels claustrophobic, so I play with the controls to lift her head and feet in the proper position. 

I am very tired, and I am so very grateful for the time that we share because it is very precious.  She loves for me to read her bible to her and her daily bread, we listen to on the computer while she is eating breakfast.  My mom told me to read her a chapter in Proverbs everyday that corresponds with the days date, so for example today we will read Proverbs 5, because today is May 5th.  (What a good idea!)

This afternoon my mom said to me, "I hope I am worthy enough to go to heaven,"  as she was getting ready to take a nap, and I told her: "Mom you are not only worthy!   When you get to heaven, you are going to be getting some beautiful crowns for all the things you have done here."  We talked about all the people she would see there!  My precious five year old daughter Amanda and our little baby Kevin that died in utero and was born still.   My grandparents. my father. My brother, my baby cousin Charlene, her brother who was born still... and lots more. 

My mom's feet are beginning to swell and she is very tired.  We have one good day where she is awake and alert and two very tired days after that.  Her toes and fingers have begun to take on a dusky blue color and her chest is swollen at the midpoint right above her sternum, I suspect that it is the tumor that is right below there. She has involuntary tremors and her body shakes.  I feel like time is now such a precious commodity. 

I am thankful for my mother!   I am casting all of my cares at the feet of Jesus who will carry us through this time.

A message from Judy

This is a note my mom had her friend Diane help her write today I thought I would share it with you. 

Dear Family and Friends,

My friend Diane, from Washington is here today and is transcribing this letter for me.
First I want to wish my dear Sister, Ruthie, happy birthday on this very day.

Judy and Diane

I want to thank all of you for all your love and prayers. I have felt them every day. I thank your spouses for letting each of you to be with me in thought and in person as my dear best friends. They say you often have only five best friends to list when you pass away, but I have so many more. My mind isn‘t as sharp as I wish it were, so if your name isn‘t listed please know it was unintentional and you are loved even if you‘re not specifically named. I am blessed to have these best friends: Robin, Norma June, Ruthie, Monica and all my grand-kids, LaDon, Eric, Arlene, Betty, Lori Trowbridge, Karen & Louie Luisi, Sharon, Pat and Ken, Marie, Sue, all the Joslin, Sanchez, and Hannah family members, My brother Ric and his family, and everyone else at the Sierra Meadows complex
Thank you for the phone calls, visits, prayers, taking me to doctors, letters, messages and get well wishes and thoughts.
Today I’m feeling pretty good. I’m staying with my daughter, LaDon, who has been taking absolutely wonderful care of me. She has been working with the doctors and hospice and has my medications working well for my pain. LaDon is right there whenever I need her. I so appreciate her love and support now when I need it the most.
The hospice caretakers are wonderful. My nurse Kathy Keiser and LVN Melissa. They show love and compassion and are so dependable. I can’t thank them enough for their care!
Thank you for being my friend, thank you for loving me. And I love and cherish each one of you!!
　
　

Judy (Ju-Ju) Barnett

My mom's brother...

My mother has three half brothers, two sisters and a brother.  She has always had a close bond with her brother Ric, who lives in Abilene, Kansas.  He has always made an effort over the years to stay in contact with her and he has been thoughtful about sending cards and gift through the years. 

I contacted him on Facebook to let him know about my mom and he texted me, "What can I do?"  I texted him back, "Come see her"  He said when I sent that he just knew that he needed to come.  He arranged it with his boss at work and coordinated it so his daughter Coni and her husband Kyle could come with them.  This was no easy feat they had to drive two hours from their home to the airport.  My uncle lost his knife during the body cavity search by TSA because he had forgotten it in his carry on bag.  They confiscated his knife and said it would be destroyed.  He had that knife for over 20 years, so I am sure that was not easy to let them take his knife.  He also lost his cell phone on the first leg of his flight it was clipped to his waistband and when he stood up to disembark the phone fell onto the seat. 

Judy as she says, "My brother Ric?"

His wife Lorrie was texting me the whole entire time.  She let me know the plane landed and then when they were coming over after checking into their hotel.  I kept my mom busy and tried really hard not to let on that there was company coming. 

Judy and Ric

She was napping when they pulled into the driveway.  I went to the door and there stood my uncle who I hadn't seen since I was 5 or 6 years old.  He smiled really big at me and put his arms out and gave me a great big hug.  I started to cry tears of joy!  My uncle Ric's eyes were misty too.  He wanted to come in and greet my mom first, he walked to her chair she had just fallen asleep.  He knelt in front of her and said quietly, "Hi sis!" she opens her eyes and says, "Is this my Louie?"  "Nooo," he says, "It's your brother Ric."  "My brother Ric?" her eyes grew wide and she looked shocked that her brother had traveled to see her from so far away.  It was a sweet moment.  His wife Lorrie and his daughter Coni and her husband Kyle all came in and greeted my mom. 

A tearful farewell!

They stayed for four days.  It didn't seem long enough and when they left it was sad to see them go.  I am thankful that they took the time to come see her now while she is still coherent.

We all mean good

It seems like a struggle sometimes with other people in my moms life, everyone means good and we all want the best for her but somedays it feels like we are at war.  Its not the kind of war that has been fought with weapons and artillary throughout the ages, this is the subtle type of war, a war with words, crafted in just a way to sting just a little bit.

I have been up front and honest with my mom.  I told her that I want to be her caregiver and I NEED to be with her but she has to allow me to have her in my home because, after she goes to heaven, I still want to have a husband and a family.  I know that David wouldn't leave me because I am taking care of my mom at her home. I know that I have four people besides my mom depending on me to make their day go, just right.
Last week was a scary, my mom slept allot and when she talked, she was out of touch, most of the time.  I thought it was her brain tumor but what it actually happened was her medication needed to be adjusted and increased to a slow release morphine, since the nurse did this, she has been completely out of pain and coherent.  I had asked Robin to come over in the mornings while I ran the girls to school and sit with my mom.  She faithfully came every morning to sit and have coffee with my mom and visit.

 My mom was emotional everytime someone mentioned her friends at Sierra Meadows or her friend Marie.  I felt bad for her because she was at my home and was missing her place and her friends terriably.  My sister-in-law declared that she and her daughter Monica would be taking turns to stay with my mom at her place so she could be home, then she asks: what days I would like to stay at my mom's house.  I looked at her, eye to eye and told her exactly what I had told my mom.  I could not stay with her at her place.  I have obligations to more than just one person.
 "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of few."  My home is just as peaceful for her during the day and she has figured out how to navigate herself to the bathroom and outside to take her dog potty.  She likes it at my house.

Robin told me that she really needs to stay at her house.  She was sad infront of Robin about missing her friends.  I told her, "Well Robin she was sad about her friend Marie too.  Do you think we should load her up and take her to Sacramento too?"  There was so much tension in the air.  At one point my phone rang and it was the LVN Melissa she was coming for a visit I told her we were at my moms.  Monica, my neice,  was helping my mom get ready when the LVN arrived.

Melissa is a pretty girl she has long blond curly hair that falls just past her shoulders.  Her hair is usually pulled off her face and clipped in the back with a barrette. Melissa has pretty blue eyes and a button nose, she is probably in her early thirtys, very informative and very nice.  She asked at one point if we had any questions.  Robin chimed in and asked if hospice provides people to stay with the paitent.  The nurse said no, they don't offer that, it would be something we would have to pay out of pocket for.  I thought to myself, my mom would never want a stranger to come into her home and stay with her that would be way too uncomfortable.  Robin asked for the hospice nurses phone number I am sure she wanted to discuss in detail how my mom wanted to be at home.   The nurse left and I suggested we pull out our calenders and get a schedule together.


We decided that I would take my mom home until Thursday; when she would pick her up and bring her back to Sierra Meadows. Robin informed me that she wouldn't be able to help me in the AM while I ran the kids to school but it was ok because my mom is usually up by then and can ride with me to drop everyone off.  This weekend her friend Tina is coming to see her.  So She will probably be with me if she isn't with her friend.  We made plans to have sunday supper at my house and start the week from there.  Robin volunteered to take my mom out to the benches to visit and my neice Monica and I sat in the living room and talked.

Monica and grandma

I told Monica how proud she made me.  What a good caregiver she was to grandma and when she is with her I didn't worry at all about my mom.   We had a moment of silence and I said to her, "Wow, your mom is a spaz today!"  We both chuckled.  It will work itself out, I just know it will.                    

Finding the words

Arlene, Judy and Mary

Finding the words have never been difficult for my mom until now.  Sometimes when she talks she subsitutes off the wall or different words.  It is kind of cute and the funny thing is that we know what she means.  She will say afterward, "That is not what I meant to say."  She is sad somedays.  I think we are in the valley of sadness.  She said to me today on the way to her house. " I really didn't expect to be going downhill this fast."  She woke up this morning and she was very lucid and alert and I thought well this is a good day to go see her friends at her Sierra Medows apartments.  She was so excited when I told her she was going she could barely contain herself.  She loves her "Golden girls" as my sister in law Robin calls her friends: Betty and Arlene.  

We dropped off the Uhaul truck and I had to pick David up on the way over to her house.  It was so funny!  The moment we arrived at her Apartment housing, people litterally lined up to give her a hug in the lobby.  She was basking in their love and affection for her.   She told me that I could leave her with her friends, so I used this time to get some seeds and stuff for our garden. 

My mom has to have her medication at 4 pm, this is important because, the steriod that she takes helps keep her brain from swelling from the tumors and keeps her from becoming anxious and confused.  It has to be given before 4 pm.  So I drove back to Sierra Meadows and there my mom was in the courtyard and a bench surronded by her friends.  She was tired, but happy, that I was there to take her and her dog princess home. 

She rested and ate dinner with us and after dinner she was walking back to her bedroom with me and and turned to me and said, "I don't think I have much time left."  and started to cry.  I turned to her and said,  "Well momma, that's why were going to make everyday special for you! We are going to make every day count!"   I kissed her on the cheek and gave her a hug.  Olivia was right next to her and she started to cry too.  My mom gave Olivia a big hug and told her she loved her. 

She never really complains that she is in pain.  I have to ask her, what is your pain level?  and then she always replies, "It is in my hips."  "No momma what is your pain, on the scale from 1-10?" and she says, "9"  God bless her!  She never ever complains. A nine!  I think I would be moaning.  I told her tonight to be sure and tell me when she was in pain because it's my job to make sure that we keep her as comfortable and pain free as possible.

So many things have happened...

My mother came back from her trip to Nevada. She had a wonderful time with her sister Ruthie.  I came to see her the day after she returned.  She was very excited to show me all the things she had purchased while she was gone.  I had something very heavy on my heart to tell her.  On her birthday, my home was sold at auction.  We had attended a home preservation workshop the day before my birthday, February 23, 2012 and on that very day someone taped a notice of sale on my door.  The sale date was for my mom's birthday March 13, 2012.  Three people reassured me that this was not in their system and just a formality.  They continued to reassure me on the phone that this was not a true sale.  And on March 11, 2012 they finally told me they were indeed selling my home.  The house I shared with my father, the home we had painstakingly remodeled: the kitchen, dining room and bathroom.   So during the time my mom was gone.  I packed and moved and unpacked and moved.  Geeze we have a lot of stuff.  We have been married 28 years and we are on the verge of horderville! 

I knew that all things would work out fine and never once did I worry about this entire process.  I only worried that my mom would find out before we had a place and this would cause undue stress, on her already frail condition.  We were so blessed!  We found this neat, old, farm house,  just three miles away.  I never cried one time during the whole process.  I knew that God was in control.

I sat on her couch and told her all about what had transpired.  I broke down and cried and told her that I didn't want her to hear this from someone else.  I didn't want to be a disappointment to her.  She re-assured me that I was not a disappointment to her, that she loved me no matter what.  I just sobbed into her arms and then she says," I sure hope the hospice nurse gets here cause I want to go see your new house!" 

I told her that I had dreamed about this house months ago when we were worried that we might not have a home.  I woke up from my dream and told my friend Lynda and my husband all about the dream.  I didn't realize this was the same home in my dream, until I had a Déjà vu moment while moving in on the second day and it took me back, as to how much detail I remembered from my dream.

The hospice nurse finally came and left, and then we loaded up her dog into my car and I drove her out to see the new house.  She loved it!  She said it felt like she had been there before.  She climbed into my bed and took a three hour nap.  I brought her back to her apartment and gave her her pain medication and she went right to bed. 

She had been coming back and forth from her apartment to my house and we decided that she should stay with me because of her brain tumor and probably the pain medication she was very confused.  There is no one to give her medication there at her apartment and there were a few mornings where she was confused and anxious before I arrived.

  Hospice was kind enough to deliver a hospital bed and bed side table to my home.  Her bedroom is right next to ours and her windows overlook the blooming Camila's in our yard.  Bright pink and red can be seen through the slats in her window blinds.  Her door is a glass french door so even when it is shut I can check on her. 

Sue, Judy and Julie

Louie and Karen and Judy



Kelley and Grace, Joseph and Judy

I have had lots of special angel friends of my moms who have been an enormous help.  I have had to move a little at a time all the rest of our stuff over and her friends Arlene and Betty were gracious enough to offer to come over on Monday and sit with her while I went off to move and pack my stuff.  Tuesday her dear friend; Karen, came all the way from Woodlake, to stay with my mom,  Wednesday her friend Sue came over and sat with her and this was her worse day she slept the entire day.  I was worried about her.   Thursday her friend Karen came back over to stay with her again and Friday her friend Kelley came over and stayed with her.  I am glad to say that I am done moving!  and I am beyond grateful for each one of these ladies who gave up their time to spend the day at my home with my mom. 

Aunt Ruthie's house...

My mom called me today from Nevada, it was nice to hear her voice.  I had decided even though I wanted to talk to her that I would let her call me.  She called me three times yesterday, and we chatted.  She said that she was resting most of the day.  I asked her if she was using her oxygen and she said yes.  I told her about Samantha's post on her Facebook the other day and how when I saw it I cried.  I read it to her and and her voice started to quiver and she said, "Well wasn't that nice!"  

Samantha Gill 

Grandma I Pray for you, i love you and always will.  Please if you do leave this earth,  I want you to know I love you so much and I know you're strong.   I just hope that you can give me the strength to be strong. I know I'm not and i need to work on that,  but I cannot lose you without saying,  I LOVE YOU!  When you get to heaven can you tell Amanda and Grandpa that I love them and hope to seee them soon.???  I love you so much grandma!  Stay strong and I will find the strength to stand beside you ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

Aunt Ruthie

 As much as I dreaded her leaving for Nevada I have a peace about her making the trip to see her sister.  She said they laid on the bed together and just talked about things.  My Aunt Ruthie has always been such a dear, sweet person.   She has such a tender heart.  She was just a teenager when I was born and I have always loved her.  Aunt Ruthie was my matron of honor in my wedding and we named our first daughter, Amanda Ruthann, after her great aunt.  Aunt Ruthie is one of those rare people, who everyone just loves!  

The Goldsmith Family
Norman, Jo, Judy, Ruthie and Norma June

One of my first memories of Aunt Ruthie was when my brother Michael and I were very little and we were sick with chicken pox. now, I don't know if she gave us chicken pox or we gave her the chicken pox.  I just know we were sick about the same time with it.   This also coincided with the disappearance of my brother's  turtle and there was a funky odor in our room.  We looked and looked for his turtle and finally found it's decaying and stinky remains under our bunk beds.  Ugh!  You know I can still remember the stench!  I also have a pox mark in my forehead as a souvenir from the chickenpox. 


My mom called again around 11 PM just to talk.  It was nice to hear her voice again before I went off to bed.  The girls had a little neighbor girl, Jena spend the night. All three girls were playing a game of charades when the phone rang, so I had to ask them to leave the dining room so I could hear my mom on the phone.   We were both tired, she told me she loved me and said she was headed back to sleep.  I got the girls to bed at almost midnight and fell asleep almost immediately after climbing into bed and laying my head on the pillow. 

Mom is in Nevada

I got up early to make a few phone calls and get my home straightened up and then left with Olivia to my moms house.  We stopped over at the donut store and bought her two donuts. On the way over, the respiratory therapist, called and said, he had her portable oxygen machine.  He had tried to contact her but she wasn't answering the phone.  I told him I was en route and I would call him back and confirm that she was home.   She was in the courtyard with her friends visiting.  I called the respiratory therapist and he said he would be arriving shortly.

I walked my mom back to her apartment. where all of her bags were packed and ready for Ruthie and Tim to pick them up.  She was a little anxious but not too bad.  She had lots of small things to do before she left.  We read her bible and she ate her donut as she waited for the the respiratory therapist to came and demonstrate her machine.  It is convenient, the size of a medium handbag and a strap that goes around her shoulder.  It operates on battery or can be plugged into the cigarette lighter.  That was an answer to prayer, because her tanks and the other machine would have been too bulky to carry back to Nevada. 

We got a chance to visit a little bit while she was packing and I told her, "You need to promise me that you aren't going to die in Nevada"   she said, "Well I will try not to, but I can't make any promises."  We both laughed! It's good to just laugh sometimes, when you're talking about serious things, it seems to ease the tension.  

Aunt Ruthie and Tim arrived and I briefed her on how to dispense her oral medication and how to use the oxygen machine, while Tim loaded up my moms bags.  Her good friends Arlene and Betty stopped in to say goodbye.  Betty had big tears rolling down her cheeks.  Olivia and I hugged and kissed my mom goodbye.  She had to stop at the hospice office to fill out paperwork and they left around three to go back to Nevada.  They were in a hurry because a storm was heading that way and snow on the mountains could make their passage treacherous.

Preparing for her trip...

My mom has been making plans to go see my Aunt Ruthie in Nevada.  Since all the birthday activities, she has declined in health.   She was so exhausted on her birthday it really scared me. My Mom said it scared her too.  I went over to see her today and half expected to find her still in bed and she was perky, still wheezing but a lot better then the day before.

 We waited for the Hospice nurse to come.  She was anxious, I had to give her, the "chill out" medication. (lorazapam) It didn't seem to help  She had all of her clothes all over her bed and in the orderly stages of packing for her trip.   Kelley Hannah  Joslin came over during her lunch hour and she helped her pick out her jewelry and visited for a while.  Kelley is such a sweet girl!  Very thoughtful and loving toward my mom.
Kelley had to rush off and my mom called out to her, "I love you Kelley, you should have been my daughter"  and Kelley smiled real big and replied, "If I had been, we probably wouldn't have been the close friends we were."

Judy and Kelley in the late 80's early 90's 

She is still wheezing very loudly and she was tired, so I suggested that she sit down and put her oxygen on.  She was sitting with her head leaned back on the couch cushion  and eyes closed when the nurse came.   After listening to her lungs and a quick examination.   The nurse felt that she should postpone her trip until we had the time to set hospice up for her in Nevada., so they could follow her care there.  I asked the nurse if we could order a handheld oxygen machine and she said she would look into it.  She made a phone call and the person on the other end, told her that they were out, but she could be evaluated by a respiratory therapist and possibly get one tomorrow.

Kelley Hannah Joslin and Judy  2012

  She is planning on being gone for the whole next week and return Sunday or Monday. March 15-26th.  She was adamant about leaving, she knows that her health, won't hold out forever and she wanted to make this trip while she is healthy enough to enjoy it.

While the nurse was there she told me that she wanted to take her dog to Petsmart to get her groomed before she left: because her dogs claws are too long and her dog is in pain.  I made the appointment while the nurse was there.

We dropped off Princess, her dog, and went to Applebee's for a late lunch.  I am not sure if it was just the excitement of the trip or the brain tumor, but there were a few times I felt she was just not quite herself.  We picked her dog up and I drove her home.  Once we got into her apartment, she was pacing like a lioness on the prowl.  She was anxious to get outside and sit on her benches in the courtyard.  She was really wheezing, so I told her she needed to sit with the oxygen hooked up for a few minutes and let me get her medication for her.

She left shortly afterward for the benches and I was putting her medication away and tiding up her house.  I met her out at the bench with a cup of tea, hoping this would calm her.  She drank the tea and we visited.  I contacted the Hospice nurse who was on call, to make sure I could give her another dose of her "chill out" medication.  The Nurse asked when the last dose was given, she told me that we could give her another dose.  When I got off the phone with her and my mom finally decided to settle down and climb in bed she didn't need another dose after all.  She ate some chocolate cheese cake, her friend had sent her for her birthday.  I took her dish and fork and washed it up in the sink as she drifted off to sleep.   I left her apartment and headed home.