My mom's brother...

My mother has three half brothers, two sisters and a brother.  She has always had a close bond with her brother Ric, who lives in Abilene, Kansas.  He has always made an effort over the years to stay in contact with her and he has been thoughtful about sending cards and gift through the years. 

I contacted him on Facebook to let him know about my mom and he texted me, "What can I do?"  I texted him back, "Come see her"  He said when I sent that he just knew that he needed to come.  He arranged it with his boss at work and coordinated it so his daughter Coni and her husband Kyle could come with them.  This was no easy feat they had to drive two hours from their home to the airport.  My uncle lost his knife during the body cavity search by TSA because he had forgotten it in his carry on bag.  They confiscated his knife and said it would be destroyed.  He had that knife for over 20 years, so I am sure that was not easy to let them take his knife.  He also lost his cell phone on the first leg of his flight it was clipped to his waistband and when he stood up to disembark the phone fell onto the seat. 

Judy as she says, "My brother Ric?"

His wife Lorrie was texting me the whole entire time.  She let me know the plane landed and then when they were coming over after checking into their hotel.  I kept my mom busy and tried really hard not to let on that there was company coming. 

Judy and Ric

She was napping when they pulled into the driveway.  I went to the door and there stood my uncle who I hadn't seen since I was 5 or 6 years old.  He smiled really big at me and put his arms out and gave me a great big hug.  I started to cry tears of joy!  My uncle Ric's eyes were misty too.  He wanted to come in and greet my mom first, he walked to her chair she had just fallen asleep.  He knelt in front of her and said quietly, "Hi sis!" she opens her eyes and says, "Is this my Louie?"  "Nooo," he says, "It's your brother Ric."  "My brother Ric?" her eyes grew wide and she looked shocked that her brother had traveled to see her from so far away.  It was a sweet moment.  His wife Lorrie and his daughter Coni and her husband Kyle all came in and greeted my mom. 

A tearful farewell!

They stayed for four days.  It didn't seem long enough and when they left it was sad to see them go.  I am thankful that they took the time to come see her now while she is still coherent.

We all mean good

It seems like a struggle sometimes with other people in my moms life, everyone means good and we all want the best for her but somedays it feels like we are at war.  Its not the kind of war that has been fought with weapons and artillary throughout the ages, this is the subtle type of war, a war with words, crafted in just a way to sting just a little bit.

I have been up front and honest with my mom.  I told her that I want to be her caregiver and I NEED to be with her but she has to allow me to have her in my home because, after she goes to heaven, I still want to have a husband and a family.  I know that David wouldn't leave me because I am taking care of my mom at her home. I know that I have four people besides my mom depending on me to make their day go, just right.
Last week was a scary, my mom slept allot and when she talked, she was out of touch, most of the time.  I thought it was her brain tumor but what it actually happened was her medication needed to be adjusted and increased to a slow release morphine, since the nurse did this, she has been completely out of pain and coherent.  I had asked Robin to come over in the mornings while I ran the girls to school and sit with my mom.  She faithfully came every morning to sit and have coffee with my mom and visit.

 My mom was emotional everytime someone mentioned her friends at Sierra Meadows or her friend Marie.  I felt bad for her because she was at my home and was missing her place and her friends terriably.  My sister-in-law declared that she and her daughter Monica would be taking turns to stay with my mom at her place so she could be home, then she asks: what days I would like to stay at my mom's house.  I looked at her, eye to eye and told her exactly what I had told my mom.  I could not stay with her at her place.  I have obligations to more than just one person.
 "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of few."  My home is just as peaceful for her during the day and she has figured out how to navigate herself to the bathroom and outside to take her dog potty.  She likes it at my house.

Robin told me that she really needs to stay at her house.  She was sad infront of Robin about missing her friends.  I told her, "Well Robin she was sad about her friend Marie too.  Do you think we should load her up and take her to Sacramento too?"  There was so much tension in the air.  At one point my phone rang and it was the LVN Melissa she was coming for a visit I told her we were at my moms.  Monica, my neice,  was helping my mom get ready when the LVN arrived.

Melissa is a pretty girl she has long blond curly hair that falls just past her shoulders.  Her hair is usually pulled off her face and clipped in the back with a barrette. Melissa has pretty blue eyes and a button nose, she is probably in her early thirtys, very informative and very nice.  She asked at one point if we had any questions.  Robin chimed in and asked if hospice provides people to stay with the paitent.  The nurse said no, they don't offer that, it would be something we would have to pay out of pocket for.  I thought to myself, my mom would never want a stranger to come into her home and stay with her that would be way too uncomfortable.  Robin asked for the hospice nurses phone number I am sure she wanted to discuss in detail how my mom wanted to be at home.   The nurse left and I suggested we pull out our calenders and get a schedule together.


We decided that I would take my mom home until Thursday; when she would pick her up and bring her back to Sierra Meadows. Robin informed me that she wouldn't be able to help me in the AM while I ran the kids to school but it was ok because my mom is usually up by then and can ride with me to drop everyone off.  This weekend her friend Tina is coming to see her.  So She will probably be with me if she isn't with her friend.  We made plans to have sunday supper at my house and start the week from there.  Robin volunteered to take my mom out to the benches to visit and my neice Monica and I sat in the living room and talked.

Monica and grandma

I told Monica how proud she made me.  What a good caregiver she was to grandma and when she is with her I didn't worry at all about my mom.   We had a moment of silence and I said to her, "Wow, your mom is a spaz today!"  We both chuckled.  It will work itself out, I just know it will.                    

Finding the words

Arlene, Judy and Mary

Finding the words have never been difficult for my mom until now.  Sometimes when she talks she subsitutes off the wall or different words.  It is kind of cute and the funny thing is that we know what she means.  She will say afterward, "That is not what I meant to say."  She is sad somedays.  I think we are in the valley of sadness.  She said to me today on the way to her house. " I really didn't expect to be going downhill this fast."  She woke up this morning and she was very lucid and alert and I thought well this is a good day to go see her friends at her Sierra Medows apartments.  She was so excited when I told her she was going she could barely contain herself.  She loves her "Golden girls" as my sister in law Robin calls her friends: Betty and Arlene.  

We dropped off the Uhaul truck and I had to pick David up on the way over to her house.  It was so funny!  The moment we arrived at her Apartment housing, people litterally lined up to give her a hug in the lobby.  She was basking in their love and affection for her.   She told me that I could leave her with her friends, so I used this time to get some seeds and stuff for our garden. 

My mom has to have her medication at 4 pm, this is important because, the steriod that she takes helps keep her brain from swelling from the tumors and keeps her from becoming anxious and confused.  It has to be given before 4 pm.  So I drove back to Sierra Meadows and there my mom was in the courtyard and a bench surronded by her friends.  She was tired, but happy, that I was there to take her and her dog princess home. 

She rested and ate dinner with us and after dinner she was walking back to her bedroom with me and and turned to me and said, "I don't think I have much time left."  and started to cry.  I turned to her and said,  "Well momma, that's why were going to make everyday special for you! We are going to make every day count!"   I kissed her on the cheek and gave her a hug.  Olivia was right next to her and she started to cry too.  My mom gave Olivia a big hug and told her she loved her. 

She never really complains that she is in pain.  I have to ask her, what is your pain level?  and then she always replies, "It is in my hips."  "No momma what is your pain, on the scale from 1-10?" and she says, "9"  God bless her!  She never ever complains. A nine!  I think I would be moaning.  I told her tonight to be sure and tell me when she was in pain because it's my job to make sure that we keep her as comfortable and pain free as possible.

So many things have happened...

My mother came back from her trip to Nevada. She had a wonderful time with her sister Ruthie.  I came to see her the day after she returned.  She was very excited to show me all the things she had purchased while she was gone.  I had something very heavy on my heart to tell her.  On her birthday, my home was sold at auction.  We had attended a home preservation workshop the day before my birthday, February 23, 2012 and on that very day someone taped a notice of sale on my door.  The sale date was for my mom's birthday March 13, 2012.  Three people reassured me that this was not in their system and just a formality.  They continued to reassure me on the phone that this was not a true sale.  And on March 11, 2012 they finally told me they were indeed selling my home.  The house I shared with my father, the home we had painstakingly remodeled: the kitchen, dining room and bathroom.   So during the time my mom was gone.  I packed and moved and unpacked and moved.  Geeze we have a lot of stuff.  We have been married 28 years and we are on the verge of horderville! 

I knew that all things would work out fine and never once did I worry about this entire process.  I only worried that my mom would find out before we had a place and this would cause undue stress, on her already frail condition.  We were so blessed!  We found this neat, old, farm house,  just three miles away.  I never cried one time during the whole process.  I knew that God was in control.

I sat on her couch and told her all about what had transpired.  I broke down and cried and told her that I didn't want her to hear this from someone else.  I didn't want to be a disappointment to her.  She re-assured me that I was not a disappointment to her, that she loved me no matter what.  I just sobbed into her arms and then she says," I sure hope the hospice nurse gets here cause I want to go see your new house!" 

I told her that I had dreamed about this house months ago when we were worried that we might not have a home.  I woke up from my dream and told my friend Lynda and my husband all about the dream.  I didn't realize this was the same home in my dream, until I had a Déjà vu moment while moving in on the second day and it took me back, as to how much detail I remembered from my dream.

The hospice nurse finally came and left, and then we loaded up her dog into my car and I drove her out to see the new house.  She loved it!  She said it felt like she had been there before.  She climbed into my bed and took a three hour nap.  I brought her back to her apartment and gave her her pain medication and she went right to bed. 

She had been coming back and forth from her apartment to my house and we decided that she should stay with me because of her brain tumor and probably the pain medication she was very confused.  There is no one to give her medication there at her apartment and there were a few mornings where she was confused and anxious before I arrived.

  Hospice was kind enough to deliver a hospital bed and bed side table to my home.  Her bedroom is right next to ours and her windows overlook the blooming Camila's in our yard.  Bright pink and red can be seen through the slats in her window blinds.  Her door is a glass french door so even when it is shut I can check on her. 

Sue, Judy and Julie

Louie and Karen and Judy



Kelley and Grace, Joseph and Judy

I have had lots of special angel friends of my moms who have been an enormous help.  I have had to move a little at a time all the rest of our stuff over and her friends Arlene and Betty were gracious enough to offer to come over on Monday and sit with her while I went off to move and pack my stuff.  Tuesday her dear friend; Karen, came all the way from Woodlake, to stay with my mom,  Wednesday her friend Sue came over and sat with her and this was her worse day she slept the entire day.  I was worried about her.   Thursday her friend Karen came back over to stay with her again and Friday her friend Kelley came over and stayed with her.  I am glad to say that I am done moving!  and I am beyond grateful for each one of these ladies who gave up their time to spend the day at my home with my mom.