The bed is now empty...

My sister-in-law Robin, and my aunt Ruthie were sitting up with my mom when I woke up and I came and sat with them.  We watched as my mother struggled to breathe.  I had set her medication up to be administered every two hours but as we gave her the next dose she seemed to be in discomfort and anxious for at least 30 minutes.  I contacted the nurse on call and asked that we increase her medication to every hour.  It seemed to make a big difference.  Robin had already started setting her alarm on her phone to go off every two hours so we set her phone to alarm every hour. 

As we watched her in the darkness, I said: "It looks like she is crying."    She said just a few profound sentences while struggling to breathe.  She said, "I am dying"  and "I have been crying"    At some point of our sleep deprived evening, I decided to try and figure out what the dosage of her medication was in miligrams for the 24 hour period.  I thought my aunt, who is smart enough to be a CPA could do this.   We laughed so hard because the numbers didn't seem to add up, and then Ruthie said Norma would be able to figure it out.  We laughed about waking her up to figure out what my mothers daily dosage would be.  I think it was more funny because we were so tired. 

I contacted the hospice office because my mom would run out of medication and she needed it refilled.  The hospice nurse was very rude to me on the phone because I was explaining to her the dosage and said a syringe and a half instead of a dose and a half.  I had to pass the phone to Norma who corrected me and told them we were giving her .75 ml of the medication.  I asked if she was coming to see my mom and she told me she would if she had time.  I was irked by this. 

I layed down for a nap and just dozed off to sleep when Kathy Keiser arrived.  Aunt Nornie came and woke me up.  I stood there while she was assesing my mom and finally she said to me, "Do you have anything you want to say?"  and I very calmly let her know what I felt. 

1. We had a situation in April where I needed the hospice nurse to come and visit and was told the oncall nurse was coming three times on the phone.  We never received a visit or a call that she wasn't coming.  When Kathy came the following day she said there was a note in the computer that I called and cancelled the request. 
2. The LVN announcing that my mom was going to expire.  I did say that I felt Melissa had the makings for a wonderful nurse but she should never announce this to the family.  Melissa also said she would send out a greif counselor and someone else and NOBODY showed up. 
3. the social worker came out and told my mom she would return on a specific date and bring her lunch and they would have a chat.  She not only didn't show up but when I called to see if she was coming she told me she would call me back and NEVER DID!  The social worker has blue hair and nails that are so encrusted with glitter and crap, she could flag down aircraft from the sky.  I think she should be held to a more professional appearance standard.
4. The chaplin was requsted to bring a daily bread to my mom and when I told Kathy about it, he finally came and brought the book.  Kathy had left a message and said she'd given him the book to give to us that day.  He came to our home and announced that he'd been carrying this around in his car for a while.  I cannot stand being lied to!!
5. I told her I was disappointed with hospice because I thought our mutal goal was to keep my mother comfortable and out of pain.  I told her that It has been a horrible experience. 
6. I told her I didn't appreciate the way she talks to me on the phone.

you know they hadn't even ordered her medication until the nurse came that day.  We also discovered that after she left my mom would only have enough medication until 4:30 in the AM.   We had to contact the on call Hospice nurse Sandy and she went to the pharmacy after it closed and brought us some more medication.   We called her out again before midnight because we were having a hard time with my mother's breathing she had lots of phlem in her throat and needed to be suctioned.  The Hospice nurse ordered her a suction machine.  The hospice nurse also called out the chaplin from Fresno to come and sit with us for a while. 

My husband who was sound asleep heard the chaplin drive into the other driveway and grabbed his shotgun and heading out the door towards his car.  My sister in law came running into my mom's room and said, "I don't know what's going on but David has a shotgun and is heading out the door!!" 
I ran after him and caught up with him as he greeted the chaplin with the gun in his hand.  The Chaplin was pretty shaken up too!  This is still pretty funny when I think about it. 

The chaplin stayed with us until almost 2 AM and read the bible and prayed.  He shared with us his wife had just passed away eight months ago.  We said goodbye to the chaplin and Robin, Jake and I all sat around mom's bed.  At 3:15 AM Robin asked her son Jake if he planned to stay up with us and he said he did.  We decided it was time for another cup of coffee so we left the room for coffee and Jake stayed behind to read the bible and pray with her.  He had just finished his prayer when we came back into the room and she had gone to be with the Lord.  

the empty bed...

We contacted the hospice nurse and she came back to the house to prounounce time of death at 2:30 AM May 10th 2012.   We called all the family and I woke up my aunt Norma who was asleep to tell her.  We all sat around until the funeral home came to pick up my mom's body.  I went in with the nurse and we cleaned and changed my mother.  I felt so sad but I couldn't cry.  I felt she was rejoicing in heaven with Jesus and all of her friends.   I had cried alot before this day.  I am happy for my mother because her suffering is finally over.