memories of Judy!

I placed a basket with purple ribbon around it on a table at the entry, these are the things people wrote:

Judy was an angel sent from heaven.  In my time of need, Judy came into my life to
help care for my five minor daughters.  It was a miracle how Judy bonded with them,
she actually became a grandmother to them.  To this day Judy still holds a special place in our hearts.                                   Paul Sanchez

                                                  ~~ My Judy~~

Lots of wonderful memories of Judy.  I met her when she started working for my brother Lonnie at Hannah's Triangle in Ivanhoe.  First great memory was when she made me a  barbie cake for my 18th birthday. She became a true best friend over the years- We got wild together. She was going through a midlife thingie and I was 21 so we did lots of dancing at  Faces, Marco Polo, El Presidente, (Flinstones). And then our next phase of life was just a true caring, loving relationship. Judy was in my wedding. I cherish my friendship with her above all others. She never forgot my birthday or my kids birthdays, never forgot mine or Donnie's wedding anniversary! She was amazing. I will miss her more than I can express.             <3 Kelley Joslin

  

"Every memory is an amazing one that will never be forgotten."
                                                    No name

"Even though I didn't know Judy, she seemed really nice.  She couldn't see or move around on her own very well, but think about it, she's in a better place she can do all those things now.  I know you're sad now, but think about it
she's in a better place and you will see her again."  
                                               Krystiana James

 "Judy was the brightest light in Ivanhoe.  She made the Triangle a joyful place to work."
                                                         Jimmie Hannah

"Judy will be missed by all at Sierra Medows.  She always had a smile on her beautiful face."                                                  No name

"Grandma Judy,

          You will always be in my heart. 
                    Your friend,"  Paula Ortiz

"I remember how vibrant she was!  So much fun! She was the "life" of the 8:00 AM Coffee hour.  Things picked up when Judy got there!  She never let her "seeing disablility" get in her way,  She was so funny!  She treated each of us like family!  I loved her like a sister!"     Her Friend, Niki in apt. 110

"Judy my cousin that was as close as a sister.  Judy blessed to know you.  Miss your wonderful laugh and never complained.  Love you so can't say enough."

                                                              Pat Grammer

"LaDon and Family,
I met Judy in 1987 and have so many good memories i cant seem to pin point one.  Well maybe when Brendon fed the fish will always stand out. She was a quiet listener and always pointed out Louie's good points when we would fight and I would vent to your mom.  She prayed with me and for me too many times to count.  She will always be near and dear to me and my family.  Her words of encouragement will be remembered for years to come."  Love Karen & Louie Amanda, Amy and Angelina Louisi

"Judy my sister in the Lord, my confidant.  My go to and accountablilty gal.  My fun loving buddy.
                                                           XXOO."
                                                                   No name (I Think this might be Sue Thompson)

"I loved Judy so much she was my cousin.  Told her that many times-  she was so special- and know that she will be missed but Jack and I know where she is- back with her momma- + Jesus + Daddy." 
                                             The McClures

"She was a great bartender and we shared many great happy times."  No Name (someone from Sierra Meadows.)

"She was a loving and caring friend and I loved her. "  Erlene

"My Grandma was a remarkable person!  When I was little I always wanted to go to her house.  Those days are gone now."  Samantha Gill

"When Antonio first met Aunt Ju-Ju he loved her.  I think it was her gentle, loving way of interacting with children, not pusy at all.  He grabbed her face and gave her kisses, open mouth sloppy kisses on her chin and smiled at everything she said because he knew how beautiful she is."  Antonio Cruz's story told by his momma Ida

"I'll  never forget how a dove wouldn't fly away on the side of my house.  I knew right where to take it, Grandma Ju-Ju's house.  When I got it there , Judy said she had a dove that had no companion.  It was meant to be, the doves fell in love and soon there were small doves.  She was a blessing with all of her birds!  There was so much peace there!  I love you Judy!"  Robin Barnett Daughter-in-law

" Our Judy was an amazing person.  Even with her handicaps, she was friendly, outgoing and loving.  She had a wicked sense of humor.  She is greatly loved and will be sorely issed."  (Computer Lynn) Lynn

"From the window of my heart I will see Judy walking with her dogs outside carrying her coffee cup.  (Smiley face)  Now she is walking with new eyes with the Lord.  RIP Judy you will be truely missed."  Paula 226 Sierra Meadows

After my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer I was visiting at my Aunt LaDon's.  I played the song, What A Difference A Day Makes, on my phone and shared a dance with my lovely grandmother Judy."  With Love, Jake Barnett

"Aunt Judy yelling at every bum that we pass, "That's my boyfriend!""  Danny Poncey

"I will never forget one time when I was about 12,  I had a paper route which meant I would have to get up in the morning and fold and deliver about 100 papers for people. I would usually do this on my bike.  One time I was so sick and my mom knew I had to deliver these papers.  She got up early folded the papers and took me in her car I knew the route and she threw the papers.  She did alot of things like that she was very kind and compassionate.  I will always cherish these things in my heart!  It is not goodbye mom, it's just see you later!" 
Love LaDon Gill

 "My favorite memory is Aunt Ju-Ju's kindness, love and wisdom.  Always there to listen to me."  Unknown

"My favorite memory of my sister is how she would always have a pot of bean on, the bed ready with clean sheets, fresh coffee and a smile from ear to ear at the front gate when she would greet us."  Norma June Cruz

"Having a fresh cup of coffee and visiting." Unknown

"Every memory is an amazing one that will never be forgotten! "    Unknown

     

 

                                                                              

 

Lots of stuff to do...

Today I have lots of stuff to do.  I have to pack up and clean my mom's apartment.  I got up with the girls and got them off to school and couldn't find my keys, so I thought I would just crawl into the freshly made bed and rest for a few minutes.  I woke up at 1PM Ugh!  I feel like I am rested, but the entire day has been wasted.  I took the time to clean my house and find places to put all the beautiful flowers from the service. 


My mom's dog, Princess has been a close companion.  she is mourning the loss of her master but trying really hard to be my dog too.  I feel like we are reassuring each other.  I took this picture the day after my mom passed away Princess just climbed onto my chair and burrowed her head under the covers until just her face peeked out from the fluffy green blanket. 

I laugh, as I look at these pictures, because this is exactly how I felt today, all safe and comfy in my bed.

Your mother is about to expire...

OK, that sounds dramatic right?  Well this is what happened.   My mom's friend Karen Luisi, my Aunt Nornie, her daughter-in-law Ida, my niece Monica were all at my house when the  hospice nurse came. 
My mom was resting on the big comfy chair in the living room and the hospice nurse says, "Your mother is about to expire let's get her to the bed, where we can make her comfortable." 

So the next thing you know, everyone including me, is crying and we are in a hurry because we have just been told by the hospice nurse that her death is imminent.  We get her positioned in bed and the hospice nurse leaves and my aunt who is a nurse says, "Well, isn't it nice she gets everyone all riled up and doesn't take another blood pressure, while she is laying down, and leaves!"

My Aunt Ruthie is driving from Nevada with her husband and they are in Kingsburg when I tell her to hurry, after all my mother is expiring right?  She said they got to the corner near my home and she wanted her husband to let her out of the car, so she could run through the field to my house.  I am glad that her husband Tim, calmed her down and convinced her to stay in the car until they pulled up in the driveway. 

My mom continued to slip deeper into sleep.  We could wake her, but she was not responding verbally or if she did it was small words and short sentences.  My sister-in-law Robin, Aunt Ruthie decided they would sit up with my mom into the evening.  I tried to get some rest but slept deep and hard, for only a short time. 

Preparing for her trip...

My mom has been making plans to go see my Aunt Ruthie in Nevada.  Since all the birthday activities, she has declined in health.   She was so exhausted on her birthday it really scared me. My Mom said it scared her too.  I went over to see her today and half expected to find her still in bed and she was perky, still wheezing but a lot better then the day before.

 We waited for the Hospice nurse to come.  She was anxious, I had to give her, the "chill out" medication. (lorazapam) It didn't seem to help  She had all of her clothes all over her bed and in the orderly stages of packing for her trip.   Kelley Hannah  Joslin came over during her lunch hour and she helped her pick out her jewelry and visited for a while.  Kelley is such a sweet girl!  Very thoughtful and loving toward my mom.
Kelley had to rush off and my mom called out to her, "I love you Kelley, you should have been my daughter"  and Kelley smiled real big and replied, "If I had been, we probably wouldn't have been the close friends we were."

Judy and Kelley in the late 80's early 90's 

She is still wheezing very loudly and she was tired, so I suggested that she sit down and put her oxygen on.  She was sitting with her head leaned back on the couch cushion  and eyes closed when the nurse came.   After listening to her lungs and a quick examination.   The nurse felt that she should postpone her trip until we had the time to set hospice up for her in Nevada., so they could follow her care there.  I asked the nurse if we could order a handheld oxygen machine and she said she would look into it.  She made a phone call and the person on the other end, told her that they were out, but she could be evaluated by a respiratory therapist and possibly get one tomorrow.

Kelley Hannah Joslin and Judy  2012

  She is planning on being gone for the whole next week and return Sunday or Monday. March 15-26th.  She was adamant about leaving, she knows that her health, won't hold out forever and she wanted to make this trip while she is healthy enough to enjoy it.

While the nurse was there she told me that she wanted to take her dog to Petsmart to get her groomed before she left: because her dogs claws are too long and her dog is in pain.  I made the appointment while the nurse was there.

We dropped off Princess, her dog, and went to Applebee's for a late lunch.  I am not sure if it was just the excitement of the trip or the brain tumor, but there were a few times I felt she was just not quite herself.  We picked her dog up and I drove her home.  Once we got into her apartment, she was pacing like a lioness on the prowl.  She was anxious to get outside and sit on her benches in the courtyard.  She was really wheezing, so I told her she needed to sit with the oxygen hooked up for a few minutes and let me get her medication for her.

She left shortly afterward for the benches and I was putting her medication away and tiding up her house.  I met her out at the bench with a cup of tea, hoping this would calm her.  She drank the tea and we visited.  I contacted the Hospice nurse who was on call, to make sure I could give her another dose of her "chill out" medication.  The Nurse asked when the last dose was given, she told me that we could give her another dose.  When I got off the phone with her and my mom finally decided to settle down and climb in bed she didn't need another dose after all.  She ate some chocolate cheese cake, her friend had sent her for her birthday.  I took her dish and fork and washed it up in the sink as she drifted off to sleep.   I left her apartment and headed home.

Birthday Day.

Judy in the 4th grade

Today is my mother's birthday and she turned 68, we had planned on my birthday; to go out to dinner for my moms birthday.  We have been talking about it all week she wanted to go to Fugazzis and eat an early dinner.  We made plans for 3 PM.  I called ahead and made reservations for a quiet table.  I received a call from my mom at 2 o'clock sometime and she told me to take my time because her bestie Karen and her girls were coming over for a visit.

I hung around the house a little past three and decided that I would return some merchandise to Home Depot. I figured it would use up some time and maybe she would be ready to go when I got there.  I arrived and found her surrounded by her friends  and Jennifer, my mom used to babysit for her family when Jennifer was a little girl.  After everyone left she looked exhausted.

I suggested that we hook up her oxygen and she said she was so tired and it felt "weird" to be this tired.  She reclined her chair and just laid there with her eyes closed.  I continued to talk to her.  She told me that she was still going to go with me to dinner, maybe she needed to rest before we left.  I told her to just rest and decided to kick back on her couch and take a nap with her.  We just got comfortable and her friends came in to check on her.  She told them that she was just, so tired today.

LaDon and Judy 

I told her, "Momma don't worry! We don't have to go to dinner today.  We can just stay here and eat your left overs.  You don't want to drag yourself out when you aren't feeling well."  She was so relieved.  I just know she would have pushed herself because she wanted to please me.

I made us both a salad and after she ate the salad, she was full.  I am very worried now.  I was hoping for a lot more time, where she was feeling good and now she is tired and she has a very loud wheeze.  I encouraged her to go to bed and told her I would sit and rub her feet.  (She loves to have her feet rubbed and I use her lotion and her feet are so soft afterward.)  I just sat and rubbed her feet and we talked.  She told me that she misses me when I am not there and then she said, "I feel like crying when I say this. so I won't say that I miss you."  Tears just flow from my eyes and I started crying too.  I cannot believe how tired she was and she still lifted up out of the bed and held me and tenderly kiss my head.  We broke into a chorus of "Blessed Assurance" My mom knows all the words I sang along with her and hummed through the song.  She said to me, "You know when I was younger, I had a much better voice,"  We both started to giggle.

I called my Aunt Ruthie and she wanted to know all about our dinner out.  I told her that we didn't go because my mom's health.  She said, "Doni that makes me want to cry."  I sighed and told her, "I know,"  and went on to tell her that, I am concerned she might not be up to making her trip to Nevada, with her this weekend.  I explained to her all the symptoms mom had.  I told her that the hospice nurse is coming tomorrow and we would have her take a look at her and give us her opinion of whether or not she could travel.

Broken wing

Take these broken wings and learn to fly again learn to live so free...

 A song from the eighties which reminded me of our day today.  Today we called and asked our middle son Robby.my mom and Aunt Ruthie to meet us around the corner from her house at the Country Waffle,  for breakfast.  We wanted to do something with Robby for his early birthday. We had a nice visit.  My mom, Aunt Ruthie and I all ordered waffles, while Robby and David ate hardy chicken fried steak breakfasts.  It was nice to chat around the table.

My mom went to pour her syrup and there was sticky droplets of syrup on the bottle and handle and her hand got really sticky.  She got a little irritated at the waitress because after several requests for a wet washcloth, she never brought her anything to wipe off her sticky hands.  Breakfast finished and we all headed our separate ways.  David and I went to go get tires on the excursion and then went and had a coffee date just us.  It is very rare that we get out together and have time just by ourselves.

We had just barely sat down and I saw I had a missed call, it was our youngest daughter.  Olivia was crying into the phone again, but this time I could hear intense pain in her voice and even though the message was mostly incoherent sobs, I heard her say her arm really hurts.  I had just hung up on the voice message and Samantha called me and told me that Olivia was in a lot of pain and she thinks her arm is broken.  I told my husband David we have to get home!  We were only five minutes away from home but it seemed to take an eternity to get there.

I walked through the door and Olivia was ashen white, laying on the love seat. Tears were fresh on her face and she was whimpering.  I looked at her arm and she was very protective, about my helping her to her feet, once I got her to the Emergency Room, she said she couldn't move her neck.  I told her to stay in the car and I rushed inside to get someone to help me get her out of the car.  I told the lady at the desk, my daughter was tackled to the ground by a little boy and  her arm is broken and now she is complaining of neck pain.

I had a girl go with me and we wheeled her back into the ER and we waited a short time before they called her back.  The Physician's assistant looked at her clavicle and said that it obviously looked broken, she was afraid he might have a dislocated shoulder as well.  We went to X-ray and then back to wait for the Doctor's final word on what is going on.  She finally came back and put a sling on Olivia and the Dr. came in and said it is only a broken clavicle not anything else.  She has to be in a sling for 6 weeks with pain medication.

We stopped by to see my mom and both her sisters were there.  She was resting in the bedroom and I came in and gave her a hug and told her I was just stopping by for a moment she said, "You stay as long as you want. I am just resting, I can hear you from the other room."  I visited a little with everyone and her friend Arlene came by with a jello salad.  They were planning on going out to dinner later and I had to get back home to fix my family dinner.

The day before...

Today is the day before tomorrow... Which is the day that we will find out exactly what we are dealing with.  My mom had her CT Scan with biopsy on January 31st  which is almost two weeks since we got the diagnosis in the emergency room.  Lots of thoughts flood my mind as I wait for this day to finish and tomorrow to begin.

My grandmother  Jo Goldsmith

I think about everyone we have lost to death in my lifetime.  All of them have been very sudden departures. When I was young my little cousin Charlene died and although she was ill; it came as a surprise that she had passed way.  I was sad about her passing but her death was hardest on her mother Norma, "Aunt Nornie" who had lost her only daughter.   My beloved grandmother Jo Goldsmith; who always made an effort to make everyone feel so special and loved, had a heart attack; went in for a bypass surgery, had a stroke a day later and died with our family surrounding her bed and singing hymns and praises to Jesus.   What a beautiful way to leave this earth and be guided into the heavenly realms.  Her death left me very sad for a very long time. I mourned my grandmother and had to go to see a counselor to deal with my grief.  Little did I know that the coping skills that I gained from my time on a counselors couch, would help me through the rest of my losses.

My next loss and this is one that no mother wants to ever do, loose a child, let alone your only daughter.  It was an accident and happened when we were in the middle of moving clear across the United States, from Washington state to Florida, for a job that my husband had taken.  Amanda was only five years old and looking back, I think I had a feeling something was very wrong.  I waited for the movers the whole entire morning to come and start packing our stuff up. The whole day the verse in Isaiah 40:31 kept coming to mind, But they that wait upon the LORD will renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. 
My husband had called numerous times because he had found a perfect house for us, but needed my signature; so we could proceed with an offer, of course this was way before every home had a fax machine.  I had to travel fifteen minutes into town to fax it at our Realtor's office, but I couldn't leave until our older boys got home from high school.   When they finally arrived I was fairly agitated because the movers were very late, my husbands persistent calls and the urgency in his voice that I had to get those papers signed.   I remember leaving our home and as I am walking down those stairs to leave, a sweet little voice calls back to me and says, "Wait! Momma you forgot to give me a kiss!"  I was in so much of a hurry that I just waved her off like a pesky fly and said I will kiss you when I get back. Little did I know at that very moment,  I would never get the chance to kiss that sweet, little rosy cheeked, girl again.

Amanda Gill 

 While I was signing the papers, I got a 911 page, it was my oldest son Jeremy and he was frantic, "The trailer is on fire and Amanda is trapped inside!" I was shaken, I asked him to repeat himself and then I rushed out to get in my car and drive home. We were kind of hanging out in the trailer because there was nothing left in the house that wasn't already packed.  I had to save my daughter!  I had to give her that kiss!  I promised!  As I got to the truck, I felt an overwhelming peace come over me, it felt like a big hug.  I paused for a moment and then started to talk to God out loud.  I said, "God I don't know what has happened; but if you have taken Amanda to heaven, you'd better just take me right now too!"   I just kept repeating this over and over and then when I rounded the corner I saw it, a beautiful rainbow and it was sitting right over our road.  It hadn't even rained that day!

We lived back in the forest of a very small town in Washington state.  So the road to our house was blocked by police cars and firetrucks.  I saw our oldest boy Jeremy standing in the road crying.  He came over and gave me a hug and all I could do is scream to the top of my lungs, "Don't you tell me she is dead! Don't say it Jeremy!!" He just grabbed me and through tears told me "Mom I am sorry Amanda is gone"  I just flung my body to the ground and wailed, I wished right then my heart would burst because it felt so full of pain! My son Jeremy, who seemed so much older then seventeen, helped me to my feet and walked with me up the hill to our home.  I saw my son Robby being treated by the paramedic he was crying but it seemed so surreal! I just kept walking toward our home. My son Brendon, who was eight, came up and was crying said, "Momma, Amanda is walking up to heaven on that rainbow"  and we both looked up and that rainbow was still just as bright and right over our road.

Looking back, that is exactly what she did, she told God, "Hey if I am going with you, I have to give my momma a hug first and then can we walk there on a rainbow?"  Amanda was so cleaver like that!  No matter what reverse psychology I tried on her, she was always on top of that game. " Amanda if you don't eat your food you won't get ice cream" I would tell her and she would casually look up and say, "That's OK I don't want ice cream anyway"  I was just in a daze we had her funeral a few days later and then we went on ahead and traveled to Florida where my husband had started his new job.  Our family grieved for Amanda.  We went into counseling to deal with our grief.

Grandpa Norman Goldsmith 

My maternal grandfather died and I was twenty weeks pregnant with our daughter Samantha when I flew from Florida to California to attend his funeral.  My grandfather was a great man!  He showed us the value of hard work and determination.  He was a migrant farmer in the late 1920's traveling to pick whatever crop was in season.  He was self educated and very, very smart.  He was a good Husband, Father and Grandfather.  I was sick when I attended his funeral and was hospitalized the day we buried him with a bad gallbladder.  I had to have it removed before I came back to Florida because I was so sick.

My Brother committed suicide just three months after my grandfather's death and this came as a double whammy to my mother who just lost the two most important men in her life.  It was a shock to our entire family.  I couldn't even come to his funeral because I was too pregnant.  I felt so alone and isolated in my grief.

Kevin's footprints

 We were blessed with a little baby boy, who just totally surprised us.   We didn't even know we were pregnant until I was fourteen weeks along. I was sent to have a amniocentesis and the needle punctured the amniotic sac and caused his demise.  I was exactly 20  weeks along.   Kevin Micheal Spencer Gill was born Still on June 30, 1999.  1 in 250 pregnancies are lost because of amniocenteses.  These are not good odds and I would advise against it.  We would have kept whatever God chose to give us, healthy or not.

Edward Barnett 

Fifteen months ago my father passed away after suffering a stroke unexpectedly and died the very next day.  I am so thankful to God that he allowed us to bandage hurts from the past and become a very close father and daughter.  His death came as a surprise and shock to us all.  The night before he watched a TV program with us and I went to wake him the next day and he was unresponsive.  He spent the night at the hospital and the next evening he passed away peacefully.

So here we are walking in the shadow of the valley of death waiting for tomorrow...