All Things working together...

one of the only pictures with my parents and some of their grands
(Missing are Jeremy and Robby) taken 2000

It always strikes me funny when things work out the way they do.  I came over to my mom's this AM to kind of get her started on her day and check in with her. I sent Olivia in to her building to just see if Grandma was up.  Olivia went into grandma's room and said in a real quiet whisper, "Grandma are you alive?"  My mom was so tired this morning, she moaned to her and said "Yeah I think I am alive."   I waited in the car for Olivia to come back out and tell me if Grandma was awake, she never did.  Olivia was visiting with Grandma, when I entered her apartment.  Grandma had Olivia repeat what she said to her when she woke her that she had daffy duck lips.  We all had  a good laugh!  I wanted to take our three dogs to the groomers and it just wasn't in the cards.  I also wanted to get Beau our Australian Shepherd into get his shots but I arrived four minutes past 11 AM and they were closed four minutes ago.

 I came back to my mom's and we decided that she would lay down and I would read her bible to her.  We opened up her bible and found today's devotion and it was about how God led Gideon to choose his army, by the way they drank water from a stream.  Which right now makes me chuckle. because it was Gods way of playing, eenie, meanie, miney, mo. You know, when we were little kids and we had to pick the very best one...  We got a call that hospice nurse was coming to visit her today.  They told us her name was Kathy Keiser yesterday and I thought to myself,  "Gee that name sounds familiar."

They called to let us know that the nurse would be there between 3 and 4PM and I had a bunch of errands to run with my husband but was able to meet with the nurse.  She called to tell us she was running late and arrived almost an hour and a half later.  My mom, Betty and Arlene sat around and chatted in the living room and we waited.

 I told my mom, "Well she is either going to be one of those nurses, who takes the time with all of her patients and gives everyone quality care or she will be hurried and cranky when she arrives and give us the end of the day rush."   The nurse arrived and I greeted her at the door. She is middle aged and dishwater blonde curly, shoulder length hair and has a bubbly personality. I knew her from when I worked at the Viking Sewing gallery: inside Joann's, she bought one of the last sewing machines from me before the store closed.  I have always thought about her from time to time. she has an incredible story, which included losing a kidney to an infection, while she was in nursing school.  She had to drop out but then enrolled at West Hills College and finished her nursing degree.

She was awesome! Really took the time with my mom, they had the oxygen guy come and set up an oxygen machine for her.  She took the time to explain the medication and she just made my mom and I both feel so at ease.  She was the awesome nurse who took the time to make us feel important at the end of her very busy day.  Somewhere in the hustle and bustle Arlene and Betty left to attend Bingo night.  Betty was so sweet to grab my hand as she left, it was a very tender gesture. Arlene gave me a big smile and said goodbye and off they went.  I know now, how come these women have become so special to my mom.

My mom started to heat up her left over stew and I helped her with her liquid medication. She said she was for the first time, pain free. She had sit down to eat dinner and we were talking about the day and how everything worked together she even quoted the bible scripture Romans 8:28.   I shared with her what I had posted on my Facebook today:


"I am so thankful for so many things today! I want to make this thankful Thursday list one 


thing that you are thankful for today! I am thankful for God's peace and all my Facebook 




friends who prayed for me yesterday"  I began to read Kelley Joslin's post on Facebook and she 


started to cry.  She said she was so surprised to see Kelley yesterday she just broke down and started to 


cry. I told her I understood, Kelley has been a good friend to her for many years.

Kelley Hannah Joslin 


"I am thankful for the beautiful friendship I have with your mom. I 


have never had a more true and caring friend as her. I am blessed!"

I hugged my mom as I left, she seems so vulnerable to me, 


 I feel as if I need to protect her.  I was worried about 


her being unsteady and told her I wanted to call one of her 


friends to walk her back to her room and she asked me not 


to.  She said she needed some time alone with her 


thoughts.  So I hugged and kissed her again and left her 


sitting on a rock in the front of the building.  I made her 


promise me that she would call me when she got inside. 


She forgot to call me but I called her just to be sure.  Her 


friends found her and scolded her for not having someone 


walk with her. I am glad she has more than one person 


looking after her there.  

I Am going to close with the bible verse King James Bible (Cambridge Ed.)And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose Romans 8:28

Teach us to number our days.

 I think every situation is a learning opportunity.  Today I learned so much, I think my head hurts.  I dropped my kids off at school this morning and headed over to my mom's house.  I knocked on her door and she was just waking up; she had slept so soundly, she looked rested.    She got ready, took a shower and I washed her dishes and dusted her furniture and waited for her to finish getting dressed.

The call finally came in from Hospice, we were going to first meet with a coordinator and then the nurse was to come after 1:30 PM I textd my sister in law and even though she had just gotten off work she was able to pick up her daughter Monica and come over to my mom's apartment.  So here we are in the community room, my mom, Arlene, Betty, Robin, Monica, and Claire the social worker from Sierra Meadows, and the hospice coordinator.  She explained all about hospice.  Today we learned that.

• Hospice comes in and takes over the care for the patient 
• Hospice provides all cancer medication
• Hospice can be stopped at any time
• Hospice is free to the patient
• Hospice can be something your doctor refers you or you can be personally referred by a friend or loved one.  
• Hospice provides bereavement counseling to the family for up to 18 months after the patients death. 
• You cannot do chemotherapy and Hospice, it's one or the other.   

I felt overwhelmed and asked my Facebook friends to please pray for our family. I am so thankful for all my friends kind comments. I really felt lifted up and carried by the prayers of others today.  My mom was just swamped with people all around her the whole day and I felt that she was in God's peace too.  

We were able to have a few moments of peace between the hospice coordinator and the nurses visit.  I read my mom her bible and her devotional Daily bread.  It seems like this was written just for us.  There are no guarantees! None of us can be certain of another breath. So the psalmist has an important piece of advice . . . a warning label of sorts: “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom” (Ps 90:12).*

I finally left at 6:30 PM when my son Robby came with his wife to visit my mom.  I called her later to make sure she was OK she said she was just having a little snack before bedtime.  Tonight she has stronger medication, I am sure she will sleep more soundly than ever before. 

So this is the plan, we are not going to count the days, we are going to make all the rest of my Mom's days count.  

*our daily bread devotional 3-7-2012 online

Oncology appointment

My fears were confirmed today!

We met at the Oncologist today.  I was two minutes late they had already been ushered into the exam room her friend Arlene sat waiting in the chair beside her.  She had the blue folder in her hand ,that I had given her for mom's test results.  I wanted to be able to take the tests decipher them in laymen's terms and then put them in her folder for future reference.

The Doctor came in he has such a nice smile, he seems very compassionate and sincere.   When he talks, he is sometimes hard to understand.  He told her that one of her genes wasn't compatible for the chemotherapy treatment, its a study and you have to qualify genetically for it three genes need match up for the treatment.  I think its one of those; all or nothing things.  All genes have to match or its nothing they can do.  The Doctor said he was going to check to make sure that was correct.

The doctor told us that the MRI of her brain showed her cancer has spread to her brain and it's the size of a half dollar and its located in her cerebellum at the very rear and bottom of her skull.  My mom just sobbed into her hands, tears filled my eyes as I hugged my mom and tried to console her.

there are two tumors in her brain one in her cerebellum and one
in her left parietal lobe.

He told my mom that she could take radiation therapy and it COULD prolong her life for up to two years longer.  If she doesn't take the radiation, her life expectancy would be right at six months.   I asked the doctor, "What would her quality of life be?"  He basically said, it would prolong her life but she would have the effects of the cancer and radiation.

Betty, Judy and Arlene

We arrived back at her place and we were able to have a few moments alone, so we could just filter all the information.  We hugged each other and cried.  It seems so surreal to both of us.  I brought my camera into her apartment and took some pictures of her with her friends who live nearby.

She qualifies for hospice, so we are waiting for them to contact her and set up an appointment.   She just wants comfort measures.  Which does not mean we are giving up!   It just means that whatever time we have left, she wants quality over quantity.

This explains her headaches, unsteadiness, ringing in the ears, nausea and vomiting.



*photo of brain borrowed from website:http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.thehomeschooladventure.com/image-files/braindiagram.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.thehomeschooladventure.com/diagram_of_brain.html&h=326&w=324&sz=21&tbnid=1IdkHJo8JnkN3M:&tbnh=95&tbnw=94&zoom=1&docid=O0iSZXziMyLn7M&hl=en&sa=X&ei=SxxaT-jKH-bYiALJ_M2ICw&sqi=2&ved=0CG8Q9QE

Tomorrow...resting in God's grace.

Tomorrow we have her oncology appointment where we get the last test results.  I feel both nervous about what this could be but yet, I feel peace knowing whatever God has in store for my mom and our family, he will carry us through this.

Karen Luisi and Judy Barnett at her daughter's baby shower 

I am going to get over to see her today sometime this afternoon.  I have only seen her briefly on Saturday night when I brought our pictures over to her.  I was busy this weekend at a woman's Christian conference in Porterville with my friend Lynda and about 250 other women.  The phrase, "The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you."

So we will find out just what the other test revealed when it said metastatic lesions on the brain.  

Holding onto HOPE!

Denial is not a river in Egypt: it's a tricky little thing, that gives you false hope. Denial is the mirage in the desert of life, when you are searching for good news.

 Last night my mom called me at about 10:30 PM and asked if I wanted to come over and spend the night.  We hadn't had a chance to catch up on her trip details. and this morning she had her MRI with contrast of the brain.  I told her, I would stay overnight with her and got my pajamas together and drove over there, when I arrived, she was very tried but wanted to visit with me.

So we sat up, until after three in the morning, talking and laughing about stupid things.  At one point in our conversation she says, "You know, I just think they are going to tell me that its all been a mix up- you know how they switch medical records by accident."   

I was silent for moment.  She just needed to say those words out-loud and listen to them as they left her mouth.

I asked her, if she thought she might be tripping down denial?   She said, "Yeah maybe a little."   I told her, "Well Mom let's just sit in denial for another week-" she is going to see her oncologist on March 6th and he is going to give her the news.  We are hoping that this isn't in her brain, but I am afraid the PET scan, is going to tell us something that has already spread to her brain.

She has only been sad less then a handful of times and I think that after we leave the land of denial, we might just land right in the middle of sadness.  So for today, right now, we are living in denial.  It is blissful, but we are also haunted with the ever looming presence of her deteriorating health.  She has been complaining for a while about headaches that bother her everyday.  (This is not a good sign.)  Her balance is off,  she almost fell on me twice while I was there.  She cannot walk the length of JC Penny's without stopping to rest.  Her wheeze is much more noticeable then before she left on her trip to Palm Desert.

As Margaret Weiss once said, " Hope is the denial of reality" So for today, right now, we hold on to hope!

SECOND ANNIVERSARY OF MY 48th birthday

our 50th and 30th birthdays.

My Birthday is February 24th; I just turned forty-eight, this is the second anniversary of my 48th birthday.  It's quite a funny story, last year, my mom called and sang me happy birthday on the phone and I thanked her and told her that I felt really old turning 48, my mom got quiet and then she said,  "You aren't forty-eight you are forty-seven this year.  I think I would know! I was there when you were born."  I started counting and then realized she was right.  We just broke into laughter.

Judy and LaDon 48 and 67 

She had a big day planned for us it started with breakfast served at Sierra Meadows where my mom lives.  We had a nice big plate of pancakes, sausage, orange juice and coffee  We visited with the ladies at our table my mom's friend Betty had her granddaughter and her two little boys.  We finished with breakfast and left headed toward the mall I called and made an appointment at JC Penney's to get our pictures done.  I had ordered feather Boas to kind of go with the theme of our birthday pictures at 30 and 50 and the plan was to get pictures taken like this again when I turned 50 and she turned 70. Fearing this would never come to pass. we decided to just go a head and have our pictures taken today.

My mom has a skiers tan from being outside with her big sun glasses on.  She has big white circles around her eyes just like goggles had been there.  So we stopped at the make up counter and got one of the girls to put some concealer around her eyes.  We even got her to apply some eye shadow.  It took, just the right amount of time because when she was done and we had purchased a necklace and the concealer it was time to get our pictures done.

mom and Stephanie getting her makeup done

The photographer Crystal, was so nice, one time during the shoot my mom told her that she had been diagnosed with stage IV Lung cancer and that this might be the last pictures we take.  It just hit me like, I had never heard this before and tears just started falling down my cheeks.  The photographer took the picture as my mom reached over and kissed my face.  It was a very tender moment.

We ordered our pictures they will be in March 1st. We decided to go meet up with David and Olivia, my husband and youngest daughter at A&W; we were still pretty full from breakfast but we both ordered something to drink and we chatted with them while they ate their lunch.

We decided it was time to go get a pedicure and drove over to the nail place.  She seems more tired now, and she is very unsteady on her feet.  She had to take a pain pill at lunch because of that headache that has been haunting her since before her diagnosis.  I was so relaxed, I fell asleep and woke up to painted toenails.  I have never done that before, I was thankful I chose my nail color before I took my nap.

We decided see the movie, "The Vow" and it was like perfect timing, we had just enough time to get to the store and purchase some candy and bottled water to sneak into the theater.  I left her in the car as I went into the store to get our stuff and while I was in there, I spotted this pretty little girl about the age of eight years old in a beautiful peacock blue satin dress.  When I got in line, this little girl came back into the store with a handful of cash and tried to get back to the cashier, but was told that she would have to wait in line.  I motioned her to come get in front of me and watched her as she counted her change on the counter, "twenty-five, seventy-five, eighty"  Her little face pensive and her hands shaking because she realized for a second time, she didn't have the amount needed.  I asked the cashier "What does she need?  I will pay the difference."  She needed a dollar more, the little girl thanked me over and over again, as I fished out a dollar from my purse.  I told her,  "You are very pretty!  I love your dress." and she said, "Thank you, I am going to a daughter-daddy dance!"  I called out to her as she hurried out of the store. "Well make some good memories!"

I made my purchase and then hurried back to the car as we drove to the movies, I told my mom about the pretty little girl in the blue dress.   We got our tickets and popcorn and I was relieved my mom didn't make me sit right in the front row.  Instead we sat about five rows back from the front.  The movie was incredibly boring and every now and then, it sounded like coins being thrown at the back of our chairs.  I didn't realize it until the movie was almost over that there was a row of seven little junior high kids sitting behind us a few rows away and the noise that I thought were coins were actually ice they were chucking in our direction.   At once point, I even looked back and yelled "What the heck!"

When the movie ended even before the credits were rolling, my mom started walking toward these kids and with her blind cane; she shook it at them and told them how they ruined the movie for us.  I was a little worried, I would have to bail her out of jail if that cane shook any harder; because she was pretty peeved.  The group of kids just looked astonished, that we would call them out on their bad behavior.

We laughed about it in the car, on the way home.  We had planned on dinner, but neither of us was hungry after our popcorn and candy snack at the movies.  I got out of the car and hugged her again and thanked her for making my day special!  She is leaving tomorrow to go see her friend Glenda in the palm dessert.

Oncology appointment today

She has a 4.5 CM tumor on her upper Right lobe and a 2.5 cm tumor on her right middle lower lobe
She also has three tumors on her left lung that range from 1.3 CM to 1.9 CM  I have placed X's to represent  where these might be in her lungs based on the report. 

Today at 10:30 my mom her friend Arlene and I go in to see her oncologist. We arrived at the same time at the oncologist. She has completed two of the three tests he has ordered.  She got her PET scan on Valentines day which she said it took about three hours and they started scanning below her eyebrows to the bottom of the trunk of her body.  Yesterday, February 16th, she had a bone scan.

I woke up this morning and Samantha has been up all night with a tummy ache.  So the plan for the day is to attend my mom's doctors appointment and then take Sami-Jo out to see the pediatrician.  Samantha has pain in her upper left abdominal quadrant.

  At the appointment  Dr. Kuo was very nice, I really like him.  He explained to my mom that the PET scan showed that her lymphatic system was cancer free as well as her abdominal cavity. So it has not spread to her lymph nodes like the earlier CAT scan had shown.

Her bone scan said on the report that said: Foci of uptake in the calvarium suspicious for metastatic lesions.  Which in layman's terms means that there are spots on her brain that they suspect might be cancerous. we will not have anything definite until she has her MRI with Contrast, which will have to be rescheduled sometime next month because of a conflict in her travel plans.

Her PET scan described the location and size of her tumors on her lungs. The largest mass has a SUV Standard uptake value of 18.8.  and the smaller tumor on her right middle lobe has an SUV uptake value of 6.4,   all of these tumors are described medically as hypermetabolic which means fast growing.
There was also a paragraph that said

she has multiple hypermetabolic bilateral pulmonary lesions are identified and described.

Hypermetabolic right paratracheal, right hilar, subcarinal and aortopulmonary window pathologic lymph nodes are seen. No evidence of left hilar lymphandenopathy.  It's all Greek to me.
(Which means that there are cancerous lymph nodes next to her trachea, and in the area between both lungs.The left lymph node is normal)


Her next appointment is scheduled for March 6 at 8 AM


diagram of lung taken from website: http://www.innerbody.com/anim/lungs.html